A stepdad I know said, "My wife is so protective of her kids. She blocks me from asking them to do things and goes behind my back." When your child has been through a lot you want to protect them. But when you continually guide, guard, and direct the stepparent or defend your kids at all costs, you cause a new set of problems and ironically, hurt your kids. When you treat them as fragile you keep them fragile. If you really want to help your kids, be their parent, not their overprotector.